The Memories We Hold

Alice had lived a good long life, so she wasn't sad to go. She knew she was dying. Or was she dead? She honestly wasn't sure. She had been having really vivid dreams as of late. And now she was on a tree-lined path and it smelled like spring.

She couldn't help but start walking. She followed the brick path and soon came across a doll that had been left behind. It seemed vaguely familiar but she didn't know why. She bent down and picked it up. As she did, the trees in front of her bent away from each other and she saw…her memory?

Alice stepped closer, and she saw herself as a little girl, running to her grandpa. "Grandpa! You made it!" Small Alice cried as she jumped into her grandpa’s arms.

“Of course, little girl! How could I not make it? It's your birthday!" He spun her around, and she giggled.

"Did you miss me?" she asked.

Since she refused to let him go, he started carrying her toward her house. "Of course, I miss ya every day!” Soon they were in the house and the party began.

Alice watched as her childhood birthday party played out before her. She smiled as she saw friends she had long forgotten. She watched gifts in simple paper get opened. The joy of childhood seemed to flow from this room.

Soon the party ended and everyone left. Alice watched as her younger self jumped on her grandpa's lap. "Oh, please don't go! I'll miss you too much!" She had tears in her eyes.

"Oh, I'll be back again before you know it." He poked her nose. She curled into his lap and he seemed in no rush to move. Alice smiled as she watched her younger self do what her own grandchildren had now done for years when she had to leave them.

Then out of nowhere, little Alice leapt up and ran out of the room. All the adults looked around and shrugged. A few seconds later she came barreling back into the room holding a doll, the same doll she was now holding as an adult.

"Grandpa, take this with you!" She pushed her doll into his lap. “Then you won't miss me too much!" She smiled brightly.

"Oh, darling…." Her Grandpa looked at the doll. "I couldn't…." He tried to hand it back to her.

"No! I want you to take her, then I know you have something to think of me." She smiled up at Grandpa.

He looked at his granddaughter. "How could I say no to you, my dear? I'll take the doll with me." Alice watched as little Alice walked her grandpa back to his car…and slowly the trees closed.

Then her Grandpa appeared in front of the tree. "Grandpa?" Tears welled up in her eyes. She ran to him.

“Hey, little girl." Her grandpa smiled and opened his arm to her. She rushed to give him a hug.

"I'm older than you now.” She teased.

"Silly girl." He offered her his arm. "Walk with me?"

She looked closely at her Grandfather; he didn't look like she remembered but rather like she had seen him in photos of his younger days. "Of course, I've missed you dearly."

They walked through the tree-arched path. "It's lovely here." Alice felt happy walking with him again.

"It really is. See anything else you want to look at?" Grandpa asked as he walked.

"Will I see another memory if I do?" She was enjoying seeing her grandpa again, would picking something, make him leave?

He nodded.

She looked around and saw a cookie tin sitting against a tree. "That's Mom’s!" She ran over to pick it up. "Will you stay and watch this with me?"

"Of course." He smiled and the two started toward the two trees that were bending back.

Alice saw herself in college, sitting at her desk…struggling over some paper, she was sure….

Her roommate walked into their room. "Hey, there was a package for you in the mailbox. I didn't think you'd make it before they closed for the weekend, so I grabbed it."

Alice barely looked up and muttered, “Thanks."

Her roommate shook her head. “Girl, you need a break.”

“I will, later," Alice mumbled as she took another swig of her coffee.

"I'm going to join our brother-dorm for carolling. You sure you won't take a break and come?"

Alice shook her head.

Her roommate sighed. "We leave in forty-five minutes if you wanna join. The package is from your mom. At least stop long enough to open that."

Adult Alice watched as her old roommate left her in their room. She watched as college-aged Alice sighed heavily, rolled her chair away from her desk and stood up.

Her back cracked in several places. She walked over to the box. Mom hadn't mentioned sending a package the last time they called…. Alice opened it slowly and couldn't help but smile. "It's the cookie tin....'' She pulled the tin out of the box. Underneath there was a letter.

Hello Sunshine,

I noticed in our last phone call you sounded stressed. I know your last final is close to Christmas so I thought I'd send you these to lift your spirits. Don't forget to enjoy this time of year, Sunshine.

Love, Mama.

Alice opened the box and the smell of Christmas hit her nose. Her mom had sent her all her favourite cookies. Alice took one out and took a bite. She sighed happily. This…this made it feel like Christmas.

She looked around her room. It was a mess. When did she clean last? When was the last time she hadn’t spent her evening at this desk or in the library? Finishing her cookie, she quickly put herself together and raced out the door to join her friends.

Alice watched as the trees closed.

"Mom sent me that cookie tin every year. I was heartbroken the day it became mine." She turned to look at her grandfather, but he was gone.

"You'll see him soon, Sunshine." Her mom's voice filled Alice with joy.

"Mom?" She turned and ran to her mom, holding her tightly.

"Hello, Sunshine." Her mother held Alice for a moment. "Come, let's keep walking. Tell me, how are my grandbabies?"

Alice laughed. “Of course, that would be your first question! They’ve all made me a grandma now. The oldest of which is very worried about how sick I am." Alice laughed, ending in more of a sad sigh.

"How are you holding up?" Her mom looked at her closely.

"Tired, my body grows tired and my mind mixes memories." They walked along the path through the trees. After a moment of silence - “Mom, do you know when I'll go?"

Her mom shook her head. “Sunshine, I can't know that."

"Well, I'm glad to see you again." Alice had missed the comfort her mother provided. Then out of the corner of her eye, Alice saw her dress. She stopped, "Mama, look."

"Oh…. It's your wedding dress." Her mom smiled fondly.

"It's been a year. I'm not sure I'm ready to see him again." She looked at the dress…. Their wedding had been beautiful, and she'd love to see him again, but she didn't want to say goodbye again.

Her mom smiled and took her hand. "I understand, Sunshine."

Alice looked at her wedding dress moving in the wind; as she watched it, it started looking like the drapes in her room.

She blinked. She was in her room, and her granddaughter had just dropped off some flowers to brighten the room. And now her room smelt like spring…. Was that all real or had she only dreamed it?